Arm Wrestling
by Cordelia Rose
Summary: Because Gwaine loves arm wrestling, I'm losing my mind slightly, and Merlin does occasionally swear. Crack fic. Small bit of angst but mostly humour. No slash. Bromance. Re-uploaded due to formatting weirdness.


_My first attempt at humour, so please tell me how it went! The bit at the beginning seems angsty but that's only a small portion, and ever that's humour (hopefully!) in the end._

***

"Yet you didn't react this way when you found out he was a bastard."

The whole room went still and silent. Then Arthur said in a very low, very dangerous voice: "What does that have to do with this?"

"Everything." The knight was wearing an unusual gleam of something like wisdom in his eyes, and they were fixated on the King. "You know what I mean."

_One week previously…_

"Why? Just…why? How could you?"

_One week and ten minutes previously…_

"Shit!" That was the single word from Merlin as he registered the oncoming storm.

In spite of themselves, momentarily forgetting they were in a whole load of trouble, everyone stopped, turned and stared. "What?" Arthur finally said.

"What what?" Merlin answered, evidently confused.

"You _swore_!" Arthur said incredulously.

"Indeed I did." Then he turned to face the twenty or so bandits. "Shall we focus on them now?"

_Four minutes after the ten minutes previously…_

"I didn't know you swear!"

"You, my friend, should do that more often!"

"What would Gaius say?"

"Oh, you are a dark horse!"

"Anything else you want to tell us?"

(Elyan, Gwaine, Percival, Leon, Arthur.)

Merlin, frankly sick and tired of all this by now, snapped peevishly, "I have magic!"

Five gaping mouths met his answer and Merlin clamped a hand over his mouth and groaned once he realized what he said.

_Why Merlin revealed he had magic like that…_

I don't know. I just…don't know, okay?

_Back to the four minutes after the ten minutes previously…_

"I believe you." Three words came from Arthur. About sixty came from Gwaine.

"I KNEW IT! I JUST KNEW! YOU CAN MAKE FROGS! TURN ARTHUR INTO A FROG! AS A KNIGHT, I HAVE HIGHER AUTHORITY OVER YOU! I DEMAND…" And so it went on. Merlin ignored him after that, deciding not to point out that King Arthur outranked Gwaine, and they both outranked him.

"You believe me?" The words were incredulous, much like Arthur's tone earlier.

"Yes," Arthur agreed, with a straight face. Then, because the writer had lost the plot (mental, not story) they were suddenly zoomed back into the castle by dark magic that resided in Camelot and had been awakened by the presence of Emrys.

"So I will now throw you into the dungeon. Goodbye."

_The present…_

"Yet you didn't react this way when you found out he was a bastard."

The whole room went still and silent. Then Arthur said in a very low, very dangerous voice: "What does that have to with this?"

"Everything." The knight was wearing an unusual gleam of something like wisdom in his eyes, and they were fixated on the King. "You know what I mean."

"Yes…I do," Arthur whispered, swaying slightly.

"Good. Then we're on the same page. ARM-WRESTLE!"

"Oh, Lord."

_Five minutes later…_

Arthur, having escaped from the Round Table and, by extension, the arm wrestle between Gwaine and Percival – Percival was the obvious choice, but he lacked the kind of rogue strength Gwaine had lurking behind his not quite as muscular body, but was still somehow enough to make women swoon and earned him many one night stands, which he had learnt about in a particularly unpleasant Truth or Dare answer – and was headed down to the dungeons, intent of freeing Merlin and possibly making him arm wrestle Elyan.

_Ten minutes later…_

"You're not allowed to use magic to win!"

_Two weeks later…_

"You're still not allowed to use magic to win!"

_Two weeks and five seconds later…_

"Ouch!"

_Two weeks and twenty seconds later…_

"I give in! I give in!"

_Three months later…_

"Arthur…I think I'm going mad…"

"Why?"

"I had a dream that you legalised magic three months ago."

"That is not a dream. That is reality."

"Just checking."

***

_Look, I've had a long day at school (and I mean long, twelve hours because of 'supported study' for Maths) so my brain is working weirdly and I wrote this in like twenty minutes. I don't think it's very good but you know. Drop me a review! And virtual cookies if you guess where I got the inspiration for the time slot things for. Here's a clue: Sarah Mlynowski. And reviews would make me feel amazing after two hours of supported study._


End file.
